Confessions of a Recovering Paralyzed Perfectionist
Being beautiful was not enough for Lucifer, pride swept in, “Your heart was proud because of your beauty.” It was the beginning of his downfall. “Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth; I made a spectacle of you before kings.” Ezekiel 28.
There’s something in me as an individual, a wife and as a parent that wants riches, honor and prestige for myself, my husband and our kids. I want my family and myself to shine like the late great Billy Graham, Dr. David Livingstone, Tim Tebow, the super elite, rich young beautiful and models, handsome actors, classical artists like Mozart and Monet, masters of musical note and brush stroke. I want us to have brilliant minds like Einstein, well spoken orators, philosophers, the list goes on and on. Is it too much to want to be super smart and super rich like Solomon? I’ll even throw in my wish for my kids to be super strong like Hercules and Samson!
Where is this drive coming from? This deep desire (need) to be perfect, loved, noticed, the best, richest, the holiest; is it from God? I remember hearing a close family member telling me they were going to shine like the brightest jewel in Jesus’ crown. My immediate feeling was, “Me too!”
I crave love and attention so much and will do almost anything to get it, even though I’m terribly shy and I’m usually happy just being alone!
Lucifer was a beautiful guardian cherub but it wasn’t enough. Is God’s love and will for my life sufficient for me to walk humbly in the knowledge of who I am in him?
I am slowly recovering as a paralyzed-perfectionist. In my lowest moments I feel like the woman in Matthew 15 who came to Jesus begging for help, “He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
“Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
Jesus graciously granted her request and healed her daughter!
I am like a trembling dog eating the crumbs that fall from my master’s table! I dare not think highly of myself lest pride reign in my heart.
In my wildest fantasies, I’ve got long flowing blond hair, walking around in my 10,00 plus square foot recently renovated mansion (on acreage) with my happy kids and my handsome, rich husband running around somewhere in the background. In reality, I’ve got shoulder length bleached blond hair (that my daughter describes as a color that looks greenish-gray most of the time) walking around our old, needs lots of work 2,600 square foot house on acreage that is all straight uphill.
I’m learning to embrace and express thanksgiving for my reality!
My hope is this website will help other struggling, paralyzed-perfectionists to embrace the life Jesus has for you (with all your scars and flaws) and live for God’s glory, not our own.
There’s something in me as an individual, a wife and as a parent that wants riches, honor and prestige for myself, my husband and our kids. I want my family and myself to shine like the late great Billy Graham, Dr. David Livingstone, Tim Tebow, the super elite, rich young beautiful and models, handsome actors, classical artists like Mozart and Monet, masters of musical note and brush stroke. I want us to have brilliant minds like Einstein, well spoken orators, philosophers, the list goes on and on. Is it too much to want to be super smart and super rich like Solomon? I’ll even throw in my wish for my kids to be super strong like Hercules and Samson!
Where is this drive coming from? This deep desire (need) to be perfect, loved, noticed, the best, richest, the holiest; is it from God? I remember hearing a close family member telling me they were going to shine like the brightest jewel in Jesus’ crown. My immediate feeling was, “Me too!”
I crave love and attention so much and will do almost anything to get it, even though I’m terribly shy and I’m usually happy just being alone!
Lucifer was a beautiful guardian cherub but it wasn’t enough. Is God’s love and will for my life sufficient for me to walk humbly in the knowledge of who I am in him?
I am slowly recovering as a paralyzed-perfectionist. In my lowest moments I feel like the woman in Matthew 15 who came to Jesus begging for help, “He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
“Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
Jesus graciously granted her request and healed her daughter!
I am like a trembling dog eating the crumbs that fall from my master’s table! I dare not think highly of myself lest pride reign in my heart.
- Romans 11 talks about the ingrafting of the Gentiles, “You will say then, “Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in.” That is correct: They were broken off because of unbelief, but you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but be afraid. For if God did not spare the natural branches, He will not spare you either.”
In my wildest fantasies, I’ve got long flowing blond hair, walking around in my 10,00 plus square foot recently renovated mansion (on acreage) with my happy kids and my handsome, rich husband running around somewhere in the background. In reality, I’ve got shoulder length bleached blond hair (that my daughter describes as a color that looks greenish-gray most of the time) walking around our old, needs lots of work 2,600 square foot house on acreage that is all straight uphill.
I’m learning to embrace and express thanksgiving for my reality!
My hope is this website will help other struggling, paralyzed-perfectionists to embrace the life Jesus has for you (with all your scars and flaws) and live for God’s glory, not our own.
My Fantasy Self:
|
My Fantasy Home:
|